I have tried to learn how to cook and enjoyed the relaxation days without the tight working schedules or project deadlines. However, I found that I missed the moment when I worked together with the clients, which inspired me and make me really proud of myself. The belief of “not good mother” comes to my mind again, and I started to wander “what are the criteria of a Good Mother?” “Who do I really want to be when I play the role as a Good Mother?” “Who am I as the Ideal Self?”
起初我很享受这种休闲的日子，再也没有紧张的日程安排和项目期限，我开始尝试学习如何烹饪等。但后来，我发现自己会怀念那些和客户一起工作的时光，除了帮助客户，自己也一直在其中吸取和成长，工作中的自己是“骄傲”的。我开始思考“不够好的妈妈”这个信念对我意味着什么？“好妈妈的标准又是什么？”“当我扮演好妈妈角色的时候，自己真正想做的是什么？”“那个内在的理想的我是谁？”
It is found as Maragret Young said that “often people attempt to live their lives backward: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way is actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. “
正如Maragret Young所说： 常常人们试图“反向生活”，总想着更努力，赚更多的钱，才能实现幸福生活的目标。 而事实恰恰相反， 只有清楚自己是谁，才能知道该做什么，该拥有什么
Identity: Who we are as being the Ideal Self
身份层面：内在的理想的我是谁
The first discovery and potential starting point for the process of personal development is the discovery of an individual’s deepest aspirations for his or her life. We call this conceptualization or image of the Ideal Self. Three major components comprise the development of this image:
- Image of a desired future;
- Hope that one can attain it;
- Inclusion of one’s core identity,
Which serves as a foundation on which to build the desired image. The Ideal Self emerges from our ego ideal, dreams, and aspirations. (Smith M.B. 2009)
引用Smith M.B. 2009书中对“理想的我”的描述：自我成长的第一发现和潜能动力来自于个人内在的深层的对自己生活的期望。我们称之为“理想的自己”主要包括三个方面：
- 自己理想的未来画面
- 目标实现的希望
- 自我核心定位。
这些将勾勒成自己内心那个理想自己的图像，出现在我们的梦中，深藏在我们的心底。
Those who live the most satisfying lives are the people follow what they believe in. In order for you to pursue this you must know your own mind and you must act accordingly。
那些生活满意的人总是那些能够跟随内心的人。为此，他们有清楚的自我认知，并与自己的信念保持一致付出行动。
Belief: What is the life purpose and core values being Ideal Self
信念： 内在的理想自己的生活意义和核心价值观
The “Ideal Self” invariably has a sense of purpose. Knowing and living according to your being values has a twofold benefits. Firstly by making commitment to demonstrate your being value on a daily basis you have a very clear code of ethics and standards to live by; this makes it easier for you respond positively to the ups and downs of daily living. Secondly, by choosing to act on these values you break the patter of reacting, and this is how you change old beliefs and create new beliefs about yourself.
Coaching Application 教练运用
As coach, sometimes we may found the client not clear of their own value and life purpose. Take time to ask your client to think through his/her answers with himself/herself attentively, sympathetically, encouragingly.
作为教练，当我们发现客户不清楚自己的价值观和生活目标的时候，我们可以通过积极的聆听，真诚的同理和鼓励，和以下的问题客户一起去发现：
- What am I passionate about? What really get s me going/turns on?
- 我对什么充满激情？什么会让我坚持？
- Just What is it about this that involves me so much?
- 让什么让我如此深入其中？
- What did you really, really like as a kid? Is that still important to you? What purpose was involved. Is that purpose still valid today? How are you furthering it today? Or Has it changed? Or have you lost touch with it somehow?
- 当你是孩子的时候，你真正感兴趣的是什么？现在对你还重要吗？有什么目的？那个目的现在对你还有意义吗？你今天如何发展它？做了哪些改变？还是已经遗忘了？
Sometimes our clients will say “ I KNOW ALL THIS”, however they don’t know how to move forward. Here is a simple 3-step way which could help our client to move from “Ought Self” to Ideal Self” at the beginning of the self-discovery journey
有些时候，客户会说“我都知道”但不知道如何付诸行动，实现真正的改变。为此，下面介绍一个“3步曲”，陪伴大家踏上从”外在的我“ 到”内在的我“的自我发现之旅。
Actions: Translate “ have to “ to “Choose to”
行动：将“我不得不”转化成“我选择”
With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves. As the clients explore the statement,
I choose to ……because I want……,
he may discover the important value behind the choices he has made.
Take my story as an example, now I choose to suspend my business and spend 2-3 years living together with my daughter Australia because I want to enjoy the valuable time to grow together with my daughter, to record her changes from teenage to adult, and I want to spend more time with my inner-self to explore who am I as Ideal Self, and to get prepared for whatever new life will be in the coming days。I am not the victim of this decision but the owner of my life.
当我们做决定的时候，我们要清楚地意识到这个决定能满足什么需求。 当客户开始使用：“我选择……因为我要……”的方式表达的时候， 他会发现并感受到在他的这份选择背后的那份巨大的价值和力量。
回到我的故事，我有了新的发现: 现在
我选择暂停自己的事业，是因为我想体验不同的生活，让自己感受人生的丰富；我选择花2-3年的时间和女儿一起生活在澳洲，因为我想享受和女儿一起成长的时光，让自己体验生命成长的美妙；我选择暂时离开客户，是因为我想开始新的学习，让自己今后有更自如的工作状态； 我选择暂时远离朋友，是因为我想花更多的时间和自己相处，去发现那个理想的内在自己是谁，让自己感受来自内在的力量.
Ought Self vs Ideal Self is expected to serve as a tool to help you explore the Inner Self on your pathway.
The point is not to change ourselves. The point is to make friends with who we already are-Pema Choron.
希望通过外在的我vs 内在的我这个有力工具，能够陪伴你，在你的人生路上发现属于自己的“内在的我”。正如Pema Choron.所言
真正的目的不是为了改变我们，而是能够接受那个本来的自己，做自己的朋友
The End
结束