A Coaching Power Tool created by Betty Zhang 张芳
(Leadership Coaching 领导力教练, CHINA 中国)
God has given you one face, and you make yourself another –William Shakespeare当我们来到这个世界时带着上帝赋予的容颜，而我们将创造属于自己的“我”
Everybody is born an original with different talents and unique characters , but how many of us can live a different and unique life as we truly want.
每个人生来具有不同的才干和特质， 但试问，有多少人能够活出真正的自己。
Ought Self vs Ideal Self is not a simple “label” or “ definition”, this is a journey toward exploring the Inner Self about : who we are and what life we truly want. A good way to think about this is that in life there are things that are “ above the line “ ( such as the environment we are living in; the behavior and actions we take, the capabilities we have owned) and there are things that are “below the line” (such as the belief and values, who we are and our spiritual world) which is illustrated below as the “Logical Level” .
外在的我与内在的我，不是一个简单的“标签”或“定义”，而是探索内心世界的一段旅程：我是谁？什么是我真正想要的生活？为此，我们可以借用下图-六个层次来思考：人生就像航行在大海，生活中有些是看得见的，如我们生活的环境，我们的行为，我们拥有的能力，浮现在海面上；在文中称其为“显性的”，还有些是我们看不见的，如我们的信仰价值观，我们的精神追求等；在文中称其为“隐性的”
The “ Logical Levels” ( from NLP) is a way of looking more deeply of “Inner Self” and helping us understand what’s involved, or what’s going on. First of all, we can focus on the “above line” and explore how the “Ought Self” is created from the environment we are living in and what is the typical behaviors the “Ought Self” undertake.
源自NLP 的“六层次”帮助我们发现“自己的内在”，厘清问题发生在哪个层面。首先，我们从“显性的”部分入手，了解“外在的我”与环境的关系，以及“外在的我”的典型行为和表现。
Environment : We are taught we have to and ought to…….
环境层面： 我们被培养和教育我们应该如何，
From the moment we come into the world, we immediately begin getting “trained”. The doctors, nurses, parents, family members and others we met on our very first day of life began taking care of us and at the same imposing on us their rules, procedures, opinions, beliefs and ideas of how the world works and how things SHOUD be and who you are expected to behave. We have been taught that it is more important to be liked and fit in than it is to be who we truly are.
当我们来的世界的那一刻开始，我们已经在接受各种“培养”了。医生，护士，家长，亲人等等开始用他们的方式爱护和照顾你，同时，将他们理解的规矩，观点和对世界的认知，人生的经验也都迫不及待地传授给你，并且表达着他们对你的人生期望。从那时起，我们就知道“被接受被人喜欢认可”比“你自己是谁”更重要。
Environment: We ought to….. because we want to win the competition
环境层面：我必须……因为我想在竞争中获得成功
We live in a competitive society, and from a very age we learn to how compete with our classmates, friends and others. Most of us also learn when we are young and as we get older as well, that being better than those around us is an important way to succeed and feel good about ourselves. So often we define our success or failure on the basis of the relative success or failure of those around us.
我们生活在充满竞争的环境中，从小就意识到要和同学比赛，要比同伴朋友们做得更好。 我们根深蒂固的认为超过别人才能获得成功，让自己满意。因此，自己的成功或失败完全取决于和别人的对决。
Top score =top university =good job=future success
the success formula is the principles we abide by when we decide what we should do rather than think of who we are and who we really want to be.
好成绩=好大学=好工作=未来的成功
这个成功的公式成了我们生活的重要原则之一，决定着我们的所言所行。
Behaviors: we have to follow instructions, copy others, criticize ourselves
行为层面：我们不得不遵守规则，模仿他人，责难自己
Being Ought Self meant that we have strived to do the things that the environment asked us to do and meet the external criteria and others expectations. Because we spend much of our time and energy focused on what we think is wrong with us or what others expected us，we end up spending most of our lives trying to be like others, wishing we were some way that we’re not or can’t be, or devaluing ourselves in a way that doesn’t acknowledge our uniqueness.
“外在的我”意味着我们必须努力来适应外部环境的要求，满足外在的评价标准或他人的期望。于是，我们把主要的时间和精力都用来检查自己的不足之处，发现自己与“标杆模范”的差距，但是我们忽略了自己的独特之处和价值。
Every day we make choice, we have to act like a “victim” who has no control over what happens to us. We spend a great deal of time and energy criticizing ourselves.
每天，我们总是做出各种“不得不”的选择，感觉像个“受害者”，对自己的生活失去控制。总是觉得自己不够好，不够优秀。
Beliefs: I am not good enough
信念层面：总认为我不够好
Underneath the line of the “Logical Levels”, we can see the beliefs that we are not good enough become the source of motivation for many aspects of our lives as Ought Self. ( Even our own desire to learn, grow, make choice in life such which university , what subject, which job, whom to marry).
从“六个层次”的隐性部分中，我们会发现那个“外在的我”不懈努力的动力源于深层的信念，觉得“自己不够好”
Self Application: 自我应用
At my early age, as the youngest one of a 5-children family, I was regarded as “extra one” since I was expected to be another boy. This to be “good” message taught me that who I am is based on how I behave. Underneath that is that I am not good enough just as I am. I have to keep earning my love, approval, and appreciation form others, and in order to do so I have to live up to specific, subjective expectations of what it meant to be “good”.
从孩提时代，我是五个孩子大家庭的最小的孩子，但是自己被视作是“多余”，因为家人期望我能是家里的第二个男孩子。 那个时候，我就强烈意识到要“做个好孩子”。我只有做的好和听话，才能得到更多的爱，认可和关注。
I am very proud of my daughter who has been 16-year-old and is a very lovely girl. However I always felt guilty as a mother and regard myself not a “good” enough mother as expected.
现在，我已经骄傲地做了16岁可爱女儿的妈妈。但是我曾经有段时间总觉得愧疚，觉得自己不是一个“称职的好妈妈”。
Since my daughter was born, I didn’t spend lots of time to accompany her as other mothers did as I used to take frequent travel to cope with my work. Last year when my family decided to be relocated to Australia in order to give my daughter a better learning environment, I suspended my business as the independent consult and decide to become a full-time house wife to look after her. This decision meant a great sacrifice of my career to be a Good Mother.
由于自己忙于工作和出差，自从女儿出生就没有像其他妈妈那样每天陪伴女儿。去年，当家庭准备移民澳洲给女儿一个更适合的学习环境时，我下决定停止自己的事业，从一个自由顾问变成全职主妇照顾女儿。这个决定意味着要做个好妈妈就应该付出代价和牺牲。