A Coaching Power Tool Created by Shuang Wang
(Leadership Coach, CHINA)
Promising and inaction
“Moral” in the proposed “inaction” concept “for the inaction, no dead,” “Road often nothing and everything.” Inaction is the basic idea of Taoism, the basic approach is its practice. Lao repeatedly stressed to all of inaction, so inaction is not doing nothing, but authentic and laws shun things to do, with them. On the contrary, it is called promising.
If used in a parent-child relationship, inaction education is obedient child’s nature, let the children go to work happily, happily grow. Promising starting point of education is to think hard and comprehensively to help children grow. However, often the more effort and comprehensively affect the child, the greater the harm to the child. Even the great educator, education will give their children over a bad effect, because it is independent contrary to the child’s growth.
Whether our current education teachers or parents, are increasingly affecting all aspects of refinement child’s life, too refined education is essentially a promising education.
Case: Daughter language scores particularly poor. Mom was very angry, opened her paper was severely criticized, said: “! You usually do not work hard, the results of the test was so bad, I’m very disappointed,” Mom say is true, but let her get hurt, play is to combat effect. Mom really does make such a child for fear of being criticized again and began to seriously study, the next may get a better result, apparently received a good education is the effect, but in fact, the child’s heart left a scar, she might learn from hate and fear, which is to allow children to grow up in the depression and pain in promising education.
The father’s approach is: the daughter went to him, and handed her the papers, smiled and said: “The baby daughter, your test scores is not very good this time, I believe it is because you did not do too seriously, if you really have any place. No, it means there may be the teacher did not make it clear where you did not have time to ask, I can help you ask the teacher or tomorrow, you’re not a child does not speak my mind, my father believed that as long as you put a few questions to find out the next will get good grades! “Dad say, the child heart, feel the affirmation of his father, trust. These are all positive things, they will nourish the child’s mind, let the children happy, stretch and grow. This is inaction education.
Here are some of the points lead us to a “promising” motives in the process of educating the children: I believe that I must let the children is authoritative, respected; If I did not know what to say, I would look silly. Children have to be very trust me. I do not care if he / she has encountered a problem how to do?
When we generate these ideas, we can ask ourselves questions:
1) I can not put down the heart has been closely what is?
2) When I grasp the idea, how I feel the moment? The idea of the child benefit you? Children will be happy?
3) If I have had this idea or ideas how I would treat a child, what the child get is?
4) In order not to influence by such thoughts, what are my options? What to do to achieve the “inaction”?
Applications in the coaching of
As a coach, especially in parenting coach, the coach needs to have the coach in the coaching process, clients should let customers know the value of promising and inaction, by asking questions of their way to help customers understand the purpose of educating the children, parents clarify expectations and responsibilities of the child, and help customers find workable plan of action.
Every parent, its own impact on the quality of education in effect, rather than the parents do much effort. So as parents use to treat everything really. “Inaction place things, the line teaching without words.”
Such as customer: the child does not love to learn, so go grow quasi nothing, mad at me.
Coaches can help customers through the following questions:
- You want your child to grow up to be the kind of person?
- You want to be the child’s own understanding of what kind of person?
- You usually with “promising” education when the child is a child what state?
- If you are “doing nothing” approach to educating children that you would feel? Children will happen?
- Children usually under what conditions it is willing to be honest with you?
- What factors hinder the smooth exchange between the children do?
- You know in what state the child is willing to learn it? When he made good grades is what state?
- When you trust the child, respect his ideas when kids look like the state?